おげんきですか～？

こんばんわ～～～～
Aaaah, missing you my uberangst blog *glomps*
Recently, there's been many things happened to me.. Anyway, yesterday, my dream to do some cosplay have been com true!! And I'm so freakin' famous B) #superglad

Hmm--well, there's a reason why I wanna do some ramblings here..
Uberangst thingy. Yeah yeah, you know, I'm just this melancholic *sigh*

Well, the thing is--he's been avoiding me, and I'm accustomed w/ it. Its just being so freakin' usual thing for me if he's not even talk/say something to me.. Therefore, it does brought into the real life..
When he's avoiding me, I was also struggling to find our limitation between him&I. Its hard. Because in fact, my ideal world&heart seems to be a bitch for saying that our relationship must have no limitation at all.
Screw you mind..
Yeah well, when I do finally get those limit,I'm trying hard to accustomed into those things. I'm starting to learn how to not bother him, to not always thinking about him, and also a little bit try to move on. Kinda success but not that effective. If I'm gonna make a scale from 0-100, then it will be like 20. I told ya guys.. *sigh*

Now, back into yesterday.
I was so damn happy, blessed and super--glad to now that he's seriously here.
But--those limitation thingy sure is screwing up my mind.
Now, seeing his stat on how he's feeling like completely stranger, makes me like--I've forgot about him THIS well.
...uhm--well, if you read what I written above properly, you know your impression would be 100%--no, 80% wrong.

Basically, I'm just that kind of person who like to showing off. That's why those impression surely linger in me.
Although I'm trying to talk to you with those full awkward aura mode and still being scorned, uhm--I'm still happy tho can talk to you in such a bit comfortable way in our current relationship.

Well, Noir, don't get me wrong.. If you wanna talk, just talk!!! >3<
It makes me feel REALLY bad .__________.

Random Thoughts

Ohisashiburi~
Been a long time since I wrote my mind over this blog.
Recently, my life's changing. Finally, I can overcome my fear towards NSDC. I'm in 24 best speaker. Thanks God for Your blessing :')
So--well, in this time--I won't talk about NSDC tho..
Something recently bother me--like hell :|

===============================================

Err--so, here's the thing.
My feelings towards Noir is still lingering CLEARLY. Like hell--even if I'm trying to forget him, every aspect of places always successfully reminding me about him :'|
It's like, automatically, wherever I go, I'll actually remember that those places are related to him and suddenly makes me galau all over again. Devil circle, nuff said.
W-well, also my fault to suddenly try to get in touch with him--again. Darn it! He's trying his best to forget me, why do I even bother him .____.
I feel like--being so cruel towards him. But I can't help it. My sanity lose towards my selfishness .____.
So--after somehow in contact with him for merely 2 days, suddenly, another silent therapy. I know that this is gonna be happened. But why I'm still hurt for it :'( It pisses me off like hell.
Partly, this is my fault. I should give my apologizes right.. ._____. *send message*
Hope this is--right things to do ._______________________________.
ZOMG I'M SO OVERLY GALAU oTL
It'll be a lie if I'm not missing him... I miss him like hell. Terribly X'|
But only to this extend--when he's willing to talk to me is already something really precious for me... Only 1 word from him already enlightening my day.. I might wanting more--but still--in the end, I still can control my feeling to not crossing over the border.. And also still--it makes my day.. X'|
DAKARA!! It hurts when he's talking to others--while I'm in the conversation and being ignored.. Is he bullshitting me with false promises of being friends after break-up X'|
It hurts.. If there's any other word to describe my feeling--being more than hurt, I'll use it. Definitely..

Other things.
Some other days ago--I found the truth that he's being unfriended me.. COOL!!
Successfully makes me like--crying over something not important..
I do REALLY know his reason for doing it. He's trying to forget me of course! I know.. He's trying to not influenced.. I know it.. But still--it hurts.. Then suddenly he request being friend--again. I do feel like--somehow he himself is not certain by his own desicion. My question would be--why? Why bother doing so If you're gonna--like forgetting me.. The 'you' I know recently is someone who doesn't even care whether I'm hurt or not.. Then why you did so.. It makes me confused--and a lil bit gimme false hope. Stupid me for somehow overtaken by it hahahah. Pathetic.

I do childish. Ask many things to be mine. Not really taking others opinion seriously, not really wanted to be lose. Wanting more and more, greedy, lust, pride are overtaken me like hell..
I do demand a question--for you..
Like--seriously.
I need explanation on WHY--you're doing this..
I demand explanation for WHAT about your sweet promises which is already fooling me like successfully about being friend? Set your parameter for us being a friends is looks like what exactly..
You owe me an explanation, Noir.. BUNCH of explanation..
This kind of foggy relationship is harmful for both of us, I know that you're understanding this well..
Just please, can't you just explain it..?
I will--as your requests some times ago--accept your decision. I won't complain..
Just tell me reasons behind all of this things..

New Layouts, New Header, New Self ♥ ♥ ♥

Good evening, minna-san~ :D
I'm baaack~~~
Today is my last day of studying hard, anyway~ X3
I'm glad that this damn-cursed Mid-term test will be done tomorrow~~!! TOMORROW!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA #psycho
Anyway, my Blog, Sadhvi's Scratch have a new layout~~ TRATARARAAAAA~~~
Good isn't it? :3
I love the design though.. Thanks to Ghamdan for reminding me of the layout that almost messed-up, in the first time..
Yeah well, and also, something else is changed again. Guess what? The Sub-header~~!! The name of this blog will still remain Sadhvi's Scratch. But the sub-header? I'm planning on change it occasionally~ :3
Hmm.. What else? Oh yeah, I'm changed~ INTO BLACK ROCK SHOOTER~~ #shot
No, I-I mean, I'm changed. My personality, my behavior.. Well, why, I'll later explain in my argument *?* #debatingmodeon

========================================
So, today.. I have so many things to tell.. =))
First of all, I PASSED THE NATIONAL SELECTION OF AFS~~~ GYAAAAAA~~~ I'LL GO TO FOREIGN COUNTRY KYAAAAAAAAAA #overreacted
Please, pray for me, ne~~~ I do REALLY HOPE that I'm success here.. :D
Then.. Well, talking about Mid-term.. Err--I don't want to talk about it... Especially for today.. Allergic to Mid-Term.. >____>
Err--and then.. Oh, I saw many good anime lately.. Such as High School of the Dead *ecchi though*, Durarara *ALL HAIL IZAYA *?**  Kuroshitsuji *CIEEEEL SEBASTIAAAAAAN~~~ *faints**
Well, okay I'll stop this before something beyond imagination happened. -_____-
Yeah, I'm enjoying my time though, when I'm pressured doing those letter for the dearest Host Family.. :3
Hope I can do all the best~! :D
And... Err--Talking about October.. This month is somehow nostalgic .____.
Make me brought back into my glorious past with ノイール and somehow make my heart aching and missing something lateluy. It feels like, I'm hurt but I'm just--okay.. I don't know.. .____.
WELL, PENSAGA IS COMING SOON~~~ #suddenlychanges
Hope this pensaga would be a reaaaaally great festival :D
GANBATTE COMMITTEE~~~ :D
And also... Err--what else? I don't have any idea... OH YEAH!!!
My wish for now on:
1. Have a new EPIC headphone~ :3
2. Have a Polaroid~~ X3
3. Have a really nice experience before I'm apart with my friends *if I'm really going there*

Well, I guess... This is it.
I'm off okay.. I want to learn some more about Chemistry~ :D
Wish me Luck!!! :D

My Life Lately

Hello everyone~~~ I'm in a good mood since Sunday~ lalalalala~~
Well, maybe because one of my bestest friend lecture about move on and yadayada :3
I love being her friend~ X)


Anyway~
My life seemed peaceful since Sunday. I have no more regrets, though I'm still dreaming about it.. My relationship with ノイール and 데니스 are going reaaally well. :)


I don't have anymore feeling to 데니스. For real and no jokes, I'm just admire him. Really. Well, he got a girlfriend already and his girlfriend is my fangirl partner so yeah yeah XD I don't want to make my friends sad and feel betrayed. :) What an angel I am~! XD
Anyway, congrats to both of you... Longlast with your relationship~! Happy to hear that both of you are liking each other. Its a bit annoying when seeing both of you not making any move, when others actually know that both of you are liking each other. Please take responsibility for making me annoyed. :|
Bwahahahahaha~~ XDDDDD 


And about ノイール... :)
I feel that, yeah... I should just giving up about him. Because whatever I do, he won't coming back. ^^
Make my self in peace for 1 day, sure make my mind clearer than before. :)
I guess, I can move on :)
For your sake, and for my own sake... What I can't leave to do to you is care about you... Its--okay, ne?
I want us to be like this--forever :)
A really close friend, though our past is... Somehow pathetic.. :')
Promise me, search for me if we are reborn hehehe~ I'll search for you~! Definitely~! ♥ ♥ ♥
So, don't forget about me even in your after-life :3
I'll try to not forgetting you and keep my memories about you even if I'm reborn. :3a
Though I guess its a difficult things to deal with God. .____.
Anyway, thanks... For your good response to me. Somehow, remind me of the old days of us :')
But, I'm okay... ^^
I love it when you are smiling at me~! Makes my heart calmer :)
But, I dislike fake smiles, you know... So, if you have any burden in your heart, tell me. :)
I'll try to be a good listener for you..
Well, I'm sorry though... If some of my attitudes makes you annoyed, feel troubled and burdening... I'm really sorry... Would you forgive me, ノイール? :')
I promise to try not to repeat the same mistake...
And also... Thanks... for all the experience you gave to me. :)
I'll treasure it in my heart... My precious treasure all the time~! ♥ ♥ ♥


Well, anyway, my life today seems sooooooooo blue. -____-
My bag was left by Tita gracefully. In the library. -____-
That dammit cursed SMAGA library... It IS really a cursed place. -_____-
Hate those library so much. -____-
Hope my bag and binder alright, alone in the locker number 23 =3=


And oh, today, I hate particular person. Tararararara~~
She's sure make my nerves in the edge of it ^___________^
Fortunately, ノイール makes my mood better. He's sure IS a mood buster~! *gyuuuuto* ♥ ♥ ♥


Ah, Writer's block... -_____-
I don't know what to write, anymore...
Oh yeah, recently, I can't take care my RPF Account... Sorry for Ryokubita, RoD and SHI ne? oTL
I have to take care J-Soul Matsuri 3, that comes in... 5 days? oh, 4 days--I guess :Oa
I'll take care it after Mid-term, ne~? *shot*


Well, that's all for today, I guess.. :)
Good luck for your match today, 데니스.. I bet you'll be really blue if you lose the match... -___- Well, happy blue-ing then if you lose... hahaha XD Just nag your girlfriend. She'll hear you..
But if you win, congrats... Thanks for giving our uhukdammituhuk great lovely school the best :)
*though I never really see you play basketball gyahahahaha~*


Have a nice day for tomorrow and FOREVER, ノイール~! *gyuuuuto* ♥ ♥ ♥
I love it when you're energetic.. ^^
I love it when you're smiling happily and makes many move hahaha *?*
Anyway, enjoying the headphone, aren't you? :3
Its comfortable isn't it~? isn't it~~? hahaha
Well, just wait for 8 days more~! I have surprise for you ;)
Wait and see~~! :D
*surprise aren't supposed to said--right? XDD Well, let it*
Hope you have a nice dream~ ^^
Oyasumina--
AH~! You aren't forget to dinner--aren't you? D:
And... If you can't make the sticker done in time, tomorrow, I'll help you.. Don't worry.. :)
And also, GANBATTE for you Math test~! Wish you are lucky tomorrow, ノイール~ X)
Then, oyasuminasai my dear~ :") *gyuuuuto gyuuuuuto chu~* ♥ ♥ ♥

akhir2 ini, jujur, aku speechless. Aku ngga habis pikir, kenapa aku diginiin.
Mulai dari nada bicaranya, gimana dia ngeliatin aku, gimana dia ignore aku padahal aku jujur nanya apa yang dia maksud. Seakan2 aku dia ngasih tau aku secara ga langsung *dan itu beneran buat hati kerasa diiris2* kalo dia gamau aku pengen tau/ikut2an soal apa yang dia lagi omongin. Rasanya sakit, tapi aku cuman bisa nahan perih&panasnya mataku yang udah mulai nge-blur.
Aku juga ngga tahu kenapa. Dia sikapnya ke aku dingin.. Banget, menurutku.
Aku serasa punya banyak banget kesalahan.
Iya, aku dulu emang nyebelin, egois, childish, ga mau dengerin orang, oh! Mungkin malah sampai sekarang. Tapi aku selalu nyoba buat minta maaf dan memperbaiki. Wajarlah namanya manusia, dia lupa kalo di udah janji karena moodnya dia. Tapi aku mohon, jangan pasang wajah itu lagi. Wajah yang nunjukkin seperti aku itu orang yang paling bersalah di dunia. Manusia itu ngga ada yang sempurna. So, please.... Don't make those kind of face. It hurts me.. A lot.
Tapi itu emang hak mu buat pasang wajah kayak gimana. Aku cuma... Berharap aja. Itu pun kalo kamu dengerin aku, apalagi kamu kan lagi ignore aku banget.
Ini aja... Mungkin..
Thanks, anyway. Walau tadi wajahmu suntuk banget waktu nganter aku, but i'm really happy just by your side :')

Quotes

I took this quotes from the blog I love and I follow from @DitaManullang at twitter. She is one of the Admin of TeenLifeFeel. Well, her blog is awesome~! Many quotes that really fit me so much. And I don't know why, but I want to write it here... Not all of her words, but some words that fit and suite me well..

BIG CREDIT TO @DitaManullang YOU ROCKS~~!! X)
~These quotes AREN'T mine.. This quotes BELONGS to ditando-thegalwaygirl.blogspot.com.. I'm just COPYING the quotes she wrote on her blog because I want to remember it~

______________________________________________________

>>"How can you know what pain is? You're too young to know pain. You're too young to know real hurt."


"Maybe you're right. I don't know pain. I guess sitting by the phone for hours waiting for someone to call, but knowing they won't isnt pain. Crying myself to sleep for hours, because every word they say cuts me worse than the knife that cuts my wrist isnt pain. I guess having my heart ripped out and thrown around every day by someone new isnt pain. Waking up alone every morning and going to sleep alone every night isnt pain. I guess you're right. I'm too young to know pain." <<


>>If you look inside a girl’s heart and see how much she cries. You’ll find secrets, promises and lies. But what you’ll see most is how hard she tries to stay strong. When nothing is right and everything’s wrong<<


>>A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.<<


>>It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.<<



>>Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear.<<


>>When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.<<


>>love sometime hurt me,
when cant be together,
have to spend my time without him.<<


>>love sometime hurt me,
when someone i love didn’t love me back,
even dont know i live neer him.<<


>>love sometime make me happy,
when he say want we live together,
and keep me save in his arms.<<


>>love sometime hurt me,
if someone i love cant be mine,
and there are no space for me in his life.<<


>>love sometime make me happy,
when there are someone who always thinking of me,
and say to be the best for the two of us.<<


>>love sometime hurt me,
when its time to say goodbye,
and dont know when i will meet him again.<<


>>Perempuan itu (kadang) bodoh.
Yang akan mematri setiap detail perkataan dan perlakuan dari seorang pemuda yang meninggalkannya dengan janji yang tidak pernah tertepati, yang akan selalu melihat semua pesan-pesan yang pernah pemuda kirimi untuknya di masa lalu, bahkan walau kini pemuda itu telah menjalani hidup bersama perempuan lain yang manis.<<


>>Perempuan itu (kadang) bodoh.
Yang tidak dapat dengan mudah "move on" untuk seorang pemuda yang padahal tidak pernah menyatakan bahwa pemuda itu "into you".<<


>>Iya. Perempuan itu (kadang) bodoh. Dia selalu tidak dapat dengan mudah untuk pergi meski semua pertaruhan sudah menunjukkan agar dia beranjak dari permainan.<<


>>Perempuan itu (kadang) bodoh.
Karena ia dapat sekali dengan mudah dibuat berbesar hati dengan perkataan "stay by my side"<<


>>wanita menangis bukan karna mencariperhatian, bukan juga karna menarik perhatian tapi itulah isi hati yg tak bisa seorang wanita ungkapkan, bukan tak terbuka tapi karna banyaknya alasan logis dimana laki-laki terkadang merasa tak terima/menganggap ungkapan seorang wanita adalah tuntutan/menuntut& laki-laki akan menganggap wanita itu EGOIS.


tapi kadang laki-laki tak pernah sadar bahwa


wanita yg mereka anggap EGOIS itu adalah wanita terbaik bahkan paling baik yg pernah mereka punya
wanita yg kalian anggap EGOIS ini wanita mengerti mood kalian
wanita yg kalian anggap EGOIS ini wanita yg selalu ada disaat kalian butuh
wanita yg kalian anggap EGOIS ini ibu ke-2 kalian
wanita yg kalian anggap EGOIS ini yg selalu mendorong kalian dengan segelintir doanya
wanita yg kalian anggap EGOIS ini yg selalu ada saat kalian sakit
wanita yg kalian anggap EGOIS ini wanita yg selalu siap menerima lampiasan amarah kalian
wanita yg kalian anggap EGOIS ini wanita yg selalu ada cinta& sayang u/ kalian
wanita yg kalian anggap EGOIS ini wanita yg selalu menerima kesakitan/luka yg kalian berikan
wanita yg kaliang anggap EGOIS ini juga yg rela mati/berkorban nyawa u/ kalian


seorang WANITA hanya minta DIHARGAIN dengan hati
seorang WANITA hanya minta DITERIMA isi hatinya, ketidak sempurnaannya
seorang WANITA hanya minta DIBERI kasih sayang tulus<<

>>surat cinta untuk kamu

Kepada kamu,

Dengan penuh kebencian.

Aku benci jatuh cinta.

Aku benci merasa senang bertemu lagi dengan kamu, tersenyum malu-malu, dan menebak-nebak, selalu menebak-nebak. Aku benci deg-degan menunggu kamu online. Dan di saat kamu muncul, aku akan tiduran tengkurap, bantal di bawah dagu, lalu berpikir, tersenyum, dan berusaha mencari kalimat-kalimat lucu agar kamu, di seberang sana, bisa tertawa. Karena, kata orang, cara mudah membuat orang suka denganmu adalah dengan membuatnya tertawa. Mudah-mudahan itu benar.

Aku benci terkejut melihat SMS kamu nongol di inbox-ku ,

dan aku benci kenapa aku harus memakan waktu begitu lama untuk membalasnya, menghapusnya, memikirkan kata demi kata. Aku benci ketika jatuh cinta, semua detail yang aku ucapkan, katakan, kirimkan, tuliskan ke kamu menjadi penting, seolah-olah harus tanpa cacat, atau aku bisa jadi kehilangan kamu. Aku benci harus berada dalam posisi seperti itu. Tapi, aku tidak bisa menawar, ya?

Aku benci harus menerjemahkan isyarat-isyarat kamu itu. Apakah pertanyaan kamu itu sekadar pancingan atau retorika atau pertanyaan biasa yang aku salah artikan dengan penuh percaya diri? Apakah kepalamu yang kamu senderkan di bahuku kemarin hanya gesture biasa, atau ada maksud lain, atau aku yang-sekali lagi salah mengartikan dengan penuh percaya diri?

Aku benci harus memikirkan kamu sebelum tidur dan merasakan sesuatu yang bergerak dari dalam dada, menjalar ke sekujur tubuh, dan aku merasa pasrah, gelisah. Aku benci untuk berpikir aku bisa begini terus semalaman, tanpa harus tidur. Cukup begini saja.

Aku benci jatuh cinta, terutama kepada kamu.

Demi Tuhan, aku benci jatuh cinta kepada kamu.

Karena, di dalam perasaan menggebu-gebu ini, di balik semua rasa kangen, takut, canggung, yang bergumul di dalam dan meletup pelan-pelan…

aku takut sendirian<<

______________________________________________________

Hahaha~ Bukan berarti aku nge-quote banyak gini gegara aku ga ada ide nulis ya, webe gitu. Ngga kok.. Pengen aja gitu. Kalian ngga bakal bisa nemuin hal logis mengapa perempuan ingin melakukan sesuatu sebegitu inginnya. :p

Anyway, mulai besok aku udah libur lhoh~ YIPPIE~~ X)

Yah, walau ngga bisa ketemu dia lama banget, semoga dia masih mau komunikasi sama aku deh.. :)

See you in the next post then~ <3

Curahan Hati

Hari ini aku pengen cengeng.. Pengen manja..
Recently, my life is dull! Aku kangen, masa2 dimana dia care sama aku. Aku kangen, masa2 dimana aku bisa sampe hampir mati blushing gara2 ulahnya. Aku kangen, masa2 dimana dia selalu senyum bahagia ke aku. Aku kangen, masa2 waktu kita ngerasa nyaman satu sama lain. ='|
Aku manja. Iya, emang. Cengeng, memang. Tapi aku ngga salah kan, kangen sama masa laluku sama dia?
Sekarang, aku sama dia tuh.. Awkward. Dia sekarang ngehindarin aku, ngediemin aku, dingin banget sama aku bahkan udah ngga terbuka sama sekali. Padahal, apa janji kita waktu pisah? Kita bakal tetep cerita apapun yang terjadi. Kamu secara sadar/tidak, udah ngingkarin janji. ='|
Aku capek ngerasa jatuh terus. Aku capek. Tapi aku masih terus berharap, kamu sadar gimana yang aku rasain. Apa itu terlalu berat?
Apa sih kesalahanku sampe kamu ngelakuin ini? ='(
Aku salah apa??
Kamu bakalan berhenti kayak gini kalo aku udah mati ya kan? ='|
Yaudah, sana berdoa biar aku cepet mati. Kamu juga biasanya irritated tiap ada aku. Bunuh aja kalo perlu. Biar puas sekalian. ='|
God, its so painful.. T_T