Ini tanggal 30. Ya. Lagi2 tanggal 30. 3 bulan yang lalu--oh bukan. 4 bulan yang lalu dan sebelum2nya setelah bulan Oktober, betapa bahagianya aku dengan tanggal ini. Yah, anyway... *gatau harus ngomong apalagi gegara tumpah semua*
Aku didiemin. Apalagi plurknya dia yang baru komentarnya. Astaga, semudah itu rupanya dia bisa ngelupain seseorang. Ganti cewek=refreshing. Jadi selama ini beban ya kalau sama 1 cewek. Aku udah angin kali dipikirnya sekarang. haha X'(
Sekarang, HP ku maunya sih sms buat ngasih ucapan 10th monthversarry--walau aku sendiri tahu aku udah ngga punya hak buat ngasih ucapan kayak gitu. Apalagi, dia sekarang sibuk. Maybe, I shouldn't send those message. ='|
Well, I guess enough.. Aku nulis pipiku basah. CMIW~~~
Sita cengeng~ cmiiiw~~~
Masalahnya, holding back itu lebih buruk. Lebih baik dikeluarin sekalian kan.. ='(
Udahlah, cukup ini aja. Sebelum--keyboardku ketetesan terus, banjir dan susah ngelapinnya, enough for today.
='|
Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Grumbling about HIM
He is definitely avoiding me. Hell yeah. I know it from the very first time.
He is not gonna be the same him like the old time. Hell. I know it.
He is so cold towards me. Hell, that IS the truth. I know.
He won't listen to all my stories but just staring me with sarcasm. Hell. I know. I feel it. I hate it but still, I'm accept it.
He is kind to everyone else except me. Hell yeah. I know it well. I can see how's he towards me. Still, I'm accept it though.
He is always grumble and looked irritated whenever we are together. Hell that's the truth. I know it but still, try to smile so he can't see my restrained tears.
He is saying things in a cold way to me. Hell yeah. I know. But I'm always try speak a lot and a little bit childish so he never see my tremble lip.
______________________________________________________
Somehow, grumbling about him makes me miss the old days. It IS a happy time. I feel my soul and I'm internally and externally happy. But, time goes on and I should moving on. Yeah yeah. Silly talking about MOVING ON is really easy. Do it is NOT as easy as saying it as advice.
Sometimes, I do remember how was that day, when all my bad dreams starts. I feel guilty for him. I feel guilty for myself. I do always wish that today is dream and I'm still sleeping in my bed. These day from that day is nightmare--i guess.
Whenever I'm with him, what is in my head and heart is that feel of guilty. I wish that he never met me and chose me. I do regretting many things that make him feel in pain like nowadays. I hope that I can do something so he can easily forget about me and other problems related to me. I do hope that way but... When I wishing for it, my heart feel--hurt. I do want to be remembered by him. I do want to be his special treasure forever. I do want to be the part of his good memories only. My egoistic side just come up and yeah. Wish is still a wish that cannot be done because of my ego.
Wherever I am, every night, I pray for his sake. I pray so he can make a new life that better than his life with me, because his life with me is heaven than turned into hellish place. I know that maybe, deep in his heart, he is regretting everything now. Unlike me who can't even regretting it because it such a happy memories for me. All of his attitude back then is happy memories for me, even when he was angry to me. I pray for his heart so it can back into the first form when he gave it to me and he can give it to the right woman and they will lived happily ever after. But again and again, my ego's back. But I'm not withdrawing my word. Just, silently crying inside my blanket and well, I don't know whether I'm regretting or just feel not really want to give him to someone else. I don't know either.
______________________________________________________
He is not gonna be the same him like the old time. Hell. I know it.
He is so cold towards me. Hell, that IS the truth. I know.
He won't listen to all my stories but just staring me with sarcasm. Hell. I know. I feel it. I hate it but still, I'm accept it.
He is kind to everyone else except me. Hell yeah. I know it well. I can see how's he towards me. Still, I'm accept it though.
He is always grumble and looked irritated whenever we are together. Hell that's the truth. I know it but still, try to smile so he can't see my restrained tears.
He is saying things in a cold way to me. Hell yeah. I know. But I'm always try speak a lot and a little bit childish so he never see my tremble lip.
______________________________________________________
Somehow, grumbling about him makes me miss the old days. It IS a happy time. I feel my soul and I'm internally and externally happy. But, time goes on and I should moving on. Yeah yeah. Silly talking about MOVING ON is really easy. Do it is NOT as easy as saying it as advice.
Sometimes, I do remember how was that day, when all my bad dreams starts. I feel guilty for him. I feel guilty for myself. I do always wish that today is dream and I'm still sleeping in my bed. These day from that day is nightmare--i guess.
Whenever I'm with him, what is in my head and heart is that feel of guilty. I wish that he never met me and chose me. I do regretting many things that make him feel in pain like nowadays. I hope that I can do something so he can easily forget about me and other problems related to me. I do hope that way but... When I wishing for it, my heart feel--hurt. I do want to be remembered by him. I do want to be his special treasure forever. I do want to be the part of his good memories only. My egoistic side just come up and yeah. Wish is still a wish that cannot be done because of my ego.
Wherever I am, every night, I pray for his sake. I pray so he can make a new life that better than his life with me, because his life with me is heaven than turned into hellish place. I know that maybe, deep in his heart, he is regretting everything now. Unlike me who can't even regretting it because it such a happy memories for me. All of his attitude back then is happy memories for me, even when he was angry to me. I pray for his heart so it can back into the first form when he gave it to me and he can give it to the right woman and they will lived happily ever after. But again and again, my ego's back. But I'm not withdrawing my word. Just, silently crying inside my blanket and well, I don't know whether I'm regretting or just feel not really want to give him to someone else. I don't know either.
______________________________________________________
Grumbling is not a good attitude. I know. But, well, that is what in my heart now, Noir, if you want to know and if you care enough. But seeing things nowadays, you wouldn't care about me again aren't you... Well, it is fair because I'm nobody for you.
Honestly. Seeing your attitude toward me nowadays, makes me feel somehow sad. Why should we become like this?? Can't you just behave like usual? ='(
I am willing to let you go without this kinds of behavior, Noir. ='(
What I want is willing to let you go with a nice ending and we are still have a good relationship from each other... ='(
Monday, August 16, 2010
夢
apa sih harapan kalian kalo suatu ketika dapet seseorang yang bisa disayang dan bisa sayang sama kita?
Kita dibaikin? Kita diperhatiin?
Itu DULU harapanku.
Sekarang, apa harapan kalian kalo suatu ketika orang yang bisa kita sayang dan bisa sayang sama kita itu udah ngga sama kita lagi?
Kita tetep temen? Kita tetep baik satu sama lain?
Itu SEKARANG harapanku.
Tapi apa nyatanya? Aku kayak dianggep gampangan kayak gini.
Salah sedikit disinisin, apa sedikit dianggep kayak makhluk paling rendah, ngapain sedikit buat dia hal yang extremely wrong.
Kalo emang niatnya mau pisah, oke, I'm allright with that things already. Tapi caranya jangan kayak gitu. Emangnya aku manusia ngga berperasaan?!! Perasaan itu sulit diubah! BUTUH WAKTU NGERTI?!!!!
Kalo caranya maksa gitu, mau jadi APA?!!!
MAU tiap ketemu kita kayak kucing sama anjing musuhan sinis2an?!!!
Aku, jujur aja ngga mau.
Kalo kamu maunya terserah. Aku tetep bakalan teguh kalo aku ngga mau ngebales, aku ngga mau ngeladenin.
BODO AMAT. My heart is belong to me, so terserah yang punya lah.
Sekarang udah puas kan? Buat orang kecewa? Puas kan? Buat orang ngerasa salah terus? PUAS?!!
Jujur, maaf aja ya. Aku juga manusia. Aku punya batas emosi. Aku juga bisa marah kalo aku mau. Saking selama ini aku berusaha nyabar2in diri. Aku anggap itu cobaan. Tuhan lagi marah sama aku lewat kamu.
Tapi ngga kayak gini!! Aku masih punya perasaan, noir........ ='|
Why don't you just try to treasure it a little? I would be really grateful for just a tiny feeling you try to treasure.... ='| Enough for me having a really wrecked and broken heart... Why don't you just treasure and care for it even a little tiny piece of my heart..... ='|
I beg you.......... ='|
Kita dibaikin? Kita diperhatiin?
Itu DULU harapanku.
Sekarang, apa harapan kalian kalo suatu ketika orang yang bisa kita sayang dan bisa sayang sama kita itu udah ngga sama kita lagi?
Kita tetep temen? Kita tetep baik satu sama lain?
Itu SEKARANG harapanku.
Tapi apa nyatanya? Aku kayak dianggep gampangan kayak gini.
Salah sedikit disinisin, apa sedikit dianggep kayak makhluk paling rendah, ngapain sedikit buat dia hal yang extremely wrong.
Kalo emang niatnya mau pisah, oke, I'm allright with that things already. Tapi caranya jangan kayak gitu. Emangnya aku manusia ngga berperasaan?!! Perasaan itu sulit diubah! BUTUH WAKTU NGERTI?!!!!
Kalo caranya maksa gitu, mau jadi APA?!!!
MAU tiap ketemu kita kayak kucing sama anjing musuhan sinis2an?!!!
Aku, jujur aja ngga mau.
Kalo kamu maunya terserah. Aku tetep bakalan teguh kalo aku ngga mau ngebales, aku ngga mau ngeladenin.
BODO AMAT. My heart is belong to me, so terserah yang punya lah.
Sekarang udah puas kan? Buat orang kecewa? Puas kan? Buat orang ngerasa salah terus? PUAS?!!
Jujur, maaf aja ya. Aku juga manusia. Aku punya batas emosi. Aku juga bisa marah kalo aku mau. Saking selama ini aku berusaha nyabar2in diri. Aku anggap itu cobaan. Tuhan lagi marah sama aku lewat kamu.
Tapi ngga kayak gini!! Aku masih punya perasaan, noir........ ='|
Why don't you just try to treasure it a little? I would be really grateful for just a tiny feeling you try to treasure.... ='| Enough for me having a really wrecked and broken heart... Why don't you just treasure and care for it even a little tiny piece of my heart..... ='|
I beg you.......... ='|
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