It's been a reaaaaally long time no see hahaha~ My last post was on 2013 WOW IT'S ALMOST 3 YEARS SINCE THE LAST TIME ๐
Anyway, I'm still your noisy lil fujoshi's hehe still capslock all over the place, still in love with boys making out on each other ahahaha
But maybe, there are actually things that have changed within and around me tho :3
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SO, let's talk on the academic aspect first, shall we?
I'm currently in my senior year (yay?)
I'm actually surviving those hell HAHAHA
Well, my final projects remains tho.. There were--difficulties here and there, but somehow I managed and I hope I'M ACTUALLY MANAGING IT WELL TO GRADUATE ๐ญ If I'm not, then those dramas of being accused to steal others data will be the sole reason of me not graduting this September :((((
TO THE PERSONAL LIFE!
So, in this past 2 years, I've been struggling with multiple mental disorder. Surprising, isn't it?
Yeah well, let me introduce you to my sudden 3 bestfriend accompanying me for almost 3 years and maybe will and still counting hahahaha
1st is Depression..
It makes me look like I'm fine on the outside (reference to ghibli's when marnie was here; it was a good movie!)--while I'm actually fucking crippled on the inside. I'm constantly feel so tired, I feel like my world has no more colors, I feel like it's pitch black in front of me. It's really good on reminding me that I'm worthless and not capable to maintain my life. It also always gives me suicidal thoughts which is unfortunately never wins my struggle hahaha~ I was diagnosed with a severe depression and it makes me even at some point, neglecting my life for 2 fucking weeks to actually came to campus w/o breaking down :) I'm still struggling tho to overcome it hehehe
2nd is Anxiety..
I didn't knew that my panicking level was soooo extreme to the point of I was being diagnosed with a mild anxiety hahahaha~ WELL, It's not like I'm afraid to meet ppl or socially awkward, NOPE. My anxiety lies on how I'm actually can be into panicking I'm neglecting myself and thus, making me always sick and gradually makes my body and mind in a worse condition. Fortunately, it's not severe. BUT STILL MILD, BUT I'M SURVIVING SO IT'S OKAY....? ๐
3rd is Bi-Polar..
This is the very reason why I could be angry af, sad af and happy af at the same fucking time ๐๐ญ My moodswing have been terribly extreme, it ticked off ppl around me. I even genuinly thought that I need an anger management, but it turns out I'm in a mild bi-polar. Sounds not fun huh? YEAH NOT FUN AT ALL!!!! Because you're constantly misunderstood by lots of ppl. They saw me being happy and outgoing me and grumpy and moody as well at the very same time. It's not fun and not cool at all to have that kind of feeling :')
YEAH SO, I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH THESE SHITS, but I'm alive and that's all matters now ehehehe
TO THE LOVE LIVE!! (typo is not incidental pft)
SO NOW, IN THESE PAST 2 YEARS TOO, I'VE BEEN GOING OUT WITH MY SENIOR EHEHEHEHEHEHEHE ☺️☺️☺️
I'm actually maintaining 2 years relationship w/ someone guys! CONGRATULATE ME!!!!!
At first, I never thought that I will be in a relationship w/ him hahahah WE TALKED IF THERE ARE WORKS BETWEEN US HAHAHAHAH
But somehow, he looks reaaaally smart on my eyes, and the way he speaks actually enchanted me hahaha~ he got a nice body too, so WHY NOT? ๐ (the objective is clear, isn't it?)
Yeah, so, not much to be told, but we are intending to keep counting the years till death do us apart hehehehe MAJOR MOVING ON FROM NOIR AND BEARY BEAR ISN'T IT? HAHAHAHAHA
Well, I still care about them, but that's it! I'm no longer have lingering feelings towards them. Or anyone else that was my target HAHAHAH
I'm actually taking this senpai seriously and he's also telling me that he wanted to be serious w/ me :)
So, I hope that this is the last time that I'll be so damn angsty towards relationship..............well, maybe angsty in a different aspects of him, not to others ๐
But anyway yeah, he's annoying narssistic bastard but I love him and he loves me too :3
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SO, I THINK THAT'S ALL....?
I'm actually reading this blog sometimes, but the will of writing things on this blog is THAT BIG, while I have no motivation at all hahahahah forgive me~
Maybe I'll see you later at the wedding of mine? ๐
Yea, well, see you later damned blog ๐